if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
