This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
