White coat. Heels.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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