Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
