I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
