Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
