I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
