im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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