When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
