just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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