It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
