they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
