He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
