Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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