I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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