then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
