I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
