I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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