remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
