Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
