We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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