pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
