you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do vagina's smell?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
