Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize