So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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