omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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