I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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