The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
