Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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