Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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