I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
