I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
