after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
