I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
