Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
