It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
