I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she smelled like a LAN party
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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