I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
