My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
