My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
