Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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