Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
