I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
