you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
