i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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