WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
