New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
being pregnant is like rehab
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Randomize
