So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
