There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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