do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
