Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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