addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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