Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
