I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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