never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
