he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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